The Naming of the Beasts - Mike Carey

~~Other links~~

My review of The Devil You Know (Felix Castor #1)

My review of Vicious Circle (Felix Castor #2)

My review of Dead Men's Boots (Felix Castor #3)

My review of Thicker than Water (Felix Castor #4)

My review of The Naming of Beasts (Felix Castor #5)



[Chapter 2] I found this so problematic that after reading it, I put the book down for a week. Fix essentially goes on a hella massive bender and then just...stops. Cold turkey. No issues.  Just moves on with life.  To me, it feels utterly emotionless and superficial, and I really don't think the awkward commentary at all captures the struggles of addiction and alcoholism.  Personally, I think this chapter is an insult to anyone who has ever dealt with addiction or encountered someone who struggled with an addiction. I'm going to pretend this chapter didn't happen, because--yet another issue with it--it appears utterly superficial and inconsequential to the story.


"Sorry, love," I said, slowing involuntarily. "I'm boracic." (L746)

Wow. It's been a while since I had absolutely no idea what a bit of British slang meant, but this one's new for me.  DUDE.  It's COCKNEY RHYMING SLANG.  I HAD NO IDEA ANYONE ACTUALLY USED COCKNEY RHYMING SLANG. HOW COOL IS THAT?

"I'm telling you this as a friend," he said when I sat down opposite him.  "Which means, if you tell anyone else and if it comes back on me, I'll kick you face down into a ditch and stand on the back of your head until you stop moving."

"As a friend," I clarified.

"Exactly. As a friend." (L1193)


"In some ways, being both an exorcist and an atheist, I'm like a tightrope walker who knows the knots will hold but kind of resents it." (L1242)

Sidenote, but the rest of that paragraph rather irritates me. Why is it that all these authors are so self-satisfied about their virulent athiesm? Since it's apparently okay to be intolerant to Christians because of their intolerance to athiests, by that logic, it should be okay for the Christians to be intolerant to the athiests.  I don't think all the sneering is getting anyone anywhere.

When God has abandoned you and the devil is snapping at your heels, what you really need on your side is a bigger devil." (L1286)

"Metamorphic ontology, a phrase that's both resonant and anodyne, hiding itself coyly behind Ancient Greek polysyllables like a coquette peeping out from behind her fan. It means the study of the undead: science's sheepish and undignified scramble to catch up with recent events in the afterlife, especially as they impact on this one. Ontology ferrets into the nature of being; metamorphosis is change.  Translation: 'When they're dead, people chang einto some bloody scary things. Let's talk some serious Latin about it.'" (L1461)


"'Meta-conspiracy thrillers...where the conspiracy is part of a bigger conspiracy,' he said. 'When you think you've worked it out, but all you did was tear away the first layer of wallpaper. Like those dreams where you wake up sweating but, hey, you're still asleep and it's just another dream...that's how the world is, Castor. You just didn't figure out yet who's dreaming you." (L1637)


"Something...I'm still trying to put it together. Ask me about it the next time you come over." (L1706)

Stupid. Never say anything like that.  It's as bad as saying, "I know who the murderer is!" in an Agatha Christie.  You always end up dead. Or in this case, deader.

"We're looking for something that was close to him," Sam explained.  "Physically or emotionally, doesn't matter which - best of all would be something that was both.  Some object that he kept with him and thought about a lot." (L2220)

A bit tactless, I know, but why not use Fix or Pen?

"Where does faithful come into the equation? It's just a word you use to hobble someone you love. To tie them to you. It's a weapon the weak use against the strong." (L2565)


"Maybe you're more concerned about your own righteousness than you are about helping your friend." (L2680)


"Following the demon's terrifying corkscrew logic was like trying to figure-skate on the pitching deck of an icebreaker." (L2998)

Here's my bet:

the Ice-Maker's daughter is going to be used for the sacrifice.


Speaking of which, what the fuck? "Wow, there are creepy demon summonings scattered around my friends' houses! Let me leave them there! That will be fun!"Ridiculous.


Also, I get that he's trying to do the whole scifi/fantasy "new facet" thing with Abusive Juliet. "We all know abusive men are terrible.  What if it's a woman? What then?"

Well, it doesn't work with me. It's still domestic abuse. Sympathy = -infinity.


And that "him" is totally not Gil.

(show spoiler)



"So it's a demon."
"Yes. It's a demon."

"And how do we kill it?"

"Kill it?" Juliet's flawless brow frowned. "Why would I want to kill it? It smells of home." (L3922)


"Why does any of this matter to you? If you save some bunch of people you don't really know and don't really care aout, is that going to make you feel any better about letting Asmodeus get free and kill somebody you did care about? Because that's what this is about, isn't it? The redemption train. You're standing on the footplate and sounding the whistle, Castor." (L4211)


 "What goes around, comes around, and it turns out to be a chainsaw blade." (L4235)


"There are limits to how far you can change yourself. I've come to the end of an arc, Castor, and I'm swinging back." (L4352)


"Hell is coming to Earth, one piece at a time. Not the sky falling, but the ground opening up under our feet. There's nowhere that's safe to stand anymore." (L4675)

OK, that totally is going to end up as the title of my review.  Also, interesting that it's apparently Chicken Licken in the UK.  It's Chicken Little in the US.  We can't be having with those nonsense words.


"I want an anchor in case things go Pete Tong on me." (L4675)

DUDE. It's MORE COCKNEY RHYMING SLANG.  Brilliant!  I seriously had no idea anyone ever used it unironically.  Or maybe Fix is using it ironically.  


[L4715] Wow. This is, like, the worst idea ever.  Cheers, Fix.  Amongst all your gawdawful insane, myopic, idiotic, terrible ideas, this one is definitely up there. Congrats. 




[68%] Oshit.  That's Juliet, isn't it?  The naming of beasts... Oshit.

(show spoiler)


"It's just that I don't see the dead as the enemy. If the MOU find out you can trap ghosts in boxes, that's going to be a bad day for ghosts."

"But you're alive, so what do you care?"

"I'm alive," I agreed, "but I'm planning to be dead one day [...] if it comes to a fight, Trudie, we've lost."

"You can't believe that, Castor," Trudie implored me, her face twisted in almost visceral dismay. "You can't."

"It's just a matter of time," I said.  "Living versus dead? Sooner or later, we all defect to the other side." (73%)


[75%] God, Fix.  You are so very, very stupid.  WHY ARE YOU GIVING HER YOUR PHONE? IT HAS YOUR CONTACTS ON IT.  AND YOU THINK THIS ISN"T A SCHEME?  Come to think of it, is there any evidence that Jenna-Jane didn't set the whole thing up?  Does Jenna-Jane know who Sue is?

"It was the rule of names [...] 'And whatsoever he called them, that they became.' As though they hadn't been anything up until the, and their names pinned them down. [...] We bring them by using their names, and we send them away by using their names. The names have got all the power in them, even now.  So I drove that evil fucker out of me by driving in my own name, every few inches, until he had no place he couldn't go that wasn't marked as mine." [77%]

Ahahahaha.  And they have Rafi's confirmaiton picture.  Which implies that they might be able to use his confirmation name, the name given to him as a follower of God.


The real question: what does Asmo want with Juliet?  Can one demon free another?  Then why not call one up from Hell?  It's not like demons are in short supply.


(show spoiler)



[85%] Is it me, or is everyone who hits on Fix dead?

"I guess people only want as much history as they can easily carry around." (93%)


"Do you ever wish you were part of this?" Trudie asked, indicating with a toss of her head the scuttling commuters, the street cleaners, the shopkeepers taking down their shutters on the station concourse.

"Of life, you mean?" I asked, surprised by the question. "No. Not much. I'd rather be an ironic commentator." (93%)