We sometimes fight, we never row,
We always will, we never shall.
You're not a fuckwit, twit, or prat--
We'll never ever have a spat.
We don't know what you mean by "fruit,"
We don't put car-things in a boot.
A "motor" has no wheels or way,
It's only "auto" if the mind's astray.
Rubbish and mess don't make a "tip"
We don't know what you mean by "pip"
We study for tests-- we don't revise
We get a raise, but not a rise.
We may be pleased, but never chuffed,
We don't mean that when we say "stuffed,"
We don't get "pissed"-- except for "off,"
If you wear jumpers, we'll just scoff.
Our "guys" aren't burnt, he's not a lad,
Seeing her pants just isn't bad,
We're not amongst--we're just among,
We may do, but not "have done."
It's never whilst, it's always while,
And we think "sha'n't" is out of style.
No "in hospital"'s; "full stops" are bad,
No "jolly good" but no "right glad."
If this is nonsense, don't despair.
In truth, I think we just don't care.