We sometimes fight, we never row,

We always will, we never shall.

You're not a fuckwit, twit, or prat--

We'll never ever have a spat.


We don't know what you mean by "fruit,"

We don't put car-things in a boot.

A "motor" has no wheels or way,

It's only "auto" if the mind's astray.



Rubbish and mess don't make a "tip"

We don't know what you mean by "pip"

We study for tests-- we don't revise

We get a raise, but not a rise.




We may be pleased, but never chuffed,

We don't mean that when we say "stuffed,"

We don't get "pissed"-- except for "off,"

If you wear jumpers, we'll just scoff.



Our "guys" aren't burnt, he's not a lad,

Seeing her pants just isn't bad,

We're not amongst--we're just among,

We may do, but not "have done."



It's never whilst, it's always while,

And we think "sha'n't" is out of style.

No "in hospital"'s; "full stops" are bad,

No "jolly good" but no "right glad."




If this is nonsense, don't despair.

In truth, I think we just don't care.