Your Book’s (Ideal) Reviewer: Loves Book. Shows this by doling out once-a-year allotted comparison to James Joyce’s “The Dead,” the highest honor a reviewer can bestow upon a civilian author. Like a buzzed friend, Reviewer occasionally gets creepy loyal out of nowhere.** Advocates for Book out of the noble sense that it’s a work that should be read, and out of a fear that it won’t be. Invests in Book and asks others to do the same. In other words, acts as your Agent.
Amazon.com: A website where people can order everything, including bricks and mortar. Site acts as your Friend by recommending things you might want to read and by always being there for you at 3 a.m. to make decisions you’ll half regret.
Friends: Act like Amazon, not ranking your book as high as you’d like or recommending it to enough people, but still sending you lots of emails you never read.
Self-Published Authors: Treated as Crazy Ranting People: either ignored or pitied by the general public until they do something that is brilliant or threatening.
Crazy Ranting People: Still pretty good at selling traditionally published books.
*Which, now that I'm not on GR, I have to find via Google. It somehow feels rather more stalkery, which doesn't really make sense, considering that GR is probably grabbing her blog feed without her permission, approval, or knowledge.
**Yeah... about that.